The Liberating Power of Choice

As I age i realize my power of choice. I choose and things happen. My choices affect others. My choices are scary, but also strangely liberating.

I choose my friends now. I realize at my age, that i have the power to befriend whomever I want. People are drawn to me; people love me. I have a personality that attracts others and I have finally embraced it. Even then I have the power to choose who i will befriend and who i won't.

At my age i realize that I have that power but that also means that OTHERS share that power. My problem continues to be the fact that i choose others assuming that they will also choose me. This is not always true. As fantastic as I am, sometimes people will not choose me as a part of their life. And yes, it is their loss. But truth be told, that loss hurts me more than it probably hurts them. my heart still bleeds. but now, it heals quicker than before. I still feel pain but I have finally learned to move on and appreciate those who are around and continue to be part of my life. I choose them because they choose me. They are worth my time.

The Next Season...

After almost two years, the next season has arrived. I have been involved in ministry ever since I became a Christian. I spent a few months working with the youth group at my moms church when I was first saved, I worked on the sound system and Sunday school at my old church for about a year or two. I became assistant youth pastor a year after arriving at that church and six months after I was the youth pastor. I worked as youth pastor there for five years (one year was unofficial but I did all the work). And Then I moved to my current church.

This is where the rubber met the road. I came in without a leadership position, without knowing anybody, just relying on God and his word. For the longest time I was disheartened at the idea of being at a church without being a leader. Not because I wanted a title, but simply because I have a heart for people and for ministry. While there I was reminded that I needed to be at church for God Himself, not for ministry. I needed to focus of my relationship with God and that is exactly what I did. I waited for the next season, quietly depending on God.

So last night I was prayed over at my church, the pastors laid hands and we prayed together for release into ministry. My sister and I will be heading up a block team for the City impact ministry at my church. I am excited about the people that we will be helping and impacting and I am excited about what God will be bringing my way. And now I return to the smiles, headaches, frustrations, accomplishments, disagreements, victories and all else that comes with ministry and leadership! I go into this relying on God, knowing that He has placed me here and will do His will through us in the lives of many.

I ask you all to keep My sister and I in prayer throughout this season and the many to come!
Blessings!

December 26, 2010 - Exactly One Year!

It has been EXACTLY one year since I had my life change epiphany! I’m gonna start with my goals and talk at the end. I must say that I did better than I thought I would and I can’t wait to hit the list hard this year!

Health –
• lose 45 pounds => haha, not even close! Lost a couple, gained a lot of muscle but currently working on this one. It is the 2nd year in a row that I haven’t gained weight.
• go to the doctor more often => actually did go to doctor, found out my blood pressure was great. I must go more next year!

Job –
• find better paying job in atmosphere that I like.
• (or get raise at current job) >> I did in fact get more hours and a raise at my current job. I also got more responsibilities which should look good on my resume in the future!

Education –
• look into going back to school >> I did this. Looking to hopefully get into school this upcoming fall…
• and look into graduating ASAP! >> same as above!

Finances –
• Save money for wedding. >> yes, but need to save more!
• Spend less money on leisure. >> yes, but need to spend even less!
• Tithe comes first! >> proud to say that I only missed tithe on 3 or 4 checks but I have been faithful since april to give my tithe every week!
• Pay off loans! >> Definitely worked on this and paid off quite a bit. Repaired some of my damaged credit and will continue to do so!

Spirituality –
• Put God first at all times. >> I did better than last year. Definitely grew, need to grow closer to Jesus.
• Let Him work in ALL areas. >> same as above!
• Work towards becoming a pastor. >> did this! Researched going to a bible college, talked to pastors, going to dive deeper into figuring this out this year.
• Become more involved at church. >> tried to join worship team but didn’t. joined City Impact team. need to look for a new small group since most recent one got cancelled.

Friendship –
• forget about past friends (the bad ones). >> did a great job with this one. I feel like I matured greatly in this area!
• Make new friends. >> yes I did! Met a few older folks at church, and at the gym. Good guys!
• Get back in touch with old/good friends. Visit them more often. >> YES! Got back in touch with all my chico buddies and other friends.
* Lose your friends>> did good on this one as well! Don’t hang out much with my old crew. Only on rare occasions.

Dreams -
• Write more stories >> slow on writing stories but I will!
• Work on writing a novel >> need to do it this year. Will be praying about it!
• Research publication of written material >> haven’t done this!

Personal –
• Be more organized >> doing better with this. Worked on stopping hoarding!
• Wake up earlier and pray/ work out >> do wake up earlier but need to pray and workout!
• Go to sleep earlier >> nope! lol
• Read more books! (small goal: at least 2 per month [one spiritual book, one novel]) >> not at all. I read but I need to read more!
• Waste less time doing non- productive stuff >> I think I did this…?
• Learn a new instrument (piano or guitar) >>> nope! Will do it this year!

- Find more ways to get involved in the fight against Human Trafficking. >> went to trainings on it but I will do this!
- Start researching how to start a non-profit organization to help fight against social justice. >> didn’t do this! I need to…

** new goal. – in the near future, start a photography business! This includes research, improving skill, purchasing necessary materials, etc.


==èSo here’s the story:

I must disclose that this list is not just a list of resolutions for a single year. I did not start this on January first even though that was my original intention, rather I started it as soon as I had the revelation. This new Journey began one year ago today (December 26, 2009), and I am updating you all today (December 26, 2010), exactly one year since I started.
A year ago I had a break down, an epiphany, and a resulting decision. I decided to begin to re-write my own story, the story that God had given me, but that I had single handedly destroyed. There was so much wrong in my life that once every 2 or 3 months I was getting into these strange moods for 24 hour periods that were a mix of depression, anger, anxiousness, sadness, etc. Now That is WAAAAAY different!

I think I only had an “emo day” once this year. That in itself is a vast improvement! God has truly given me a great faith for the year! He has allowed me to move forward even when I felt discouraged. I was able to keep my eyes on improving my life even when i felt helpless. I persevered and I definitely see improvement in my life and that makes me happy! For the first time in a long time I am happy about the direction that my life is going. I honestly do believe that my life will be better in a couple of years, it will be different than it is now and WAAAY different than it was a year ago. I have not yet arrived where I want to be but I am well on my journey now and nothing can stop me but myself. With this post I would just like to thank anybody that has been praying for me, encouraging me, commenting and believing in me. May God bless you all and I wish you the best of luck in your own goals for the new year and in your new life! Change is possible!

Construction Begins...

On January 1, 2010 I made a resolution which I of course broke. And yet I’m not disappointed, because where I failed to reach my destination I did in fact enter uncharted territory. On December 25th, 2009 after watching a movie with my family (Avatar, which was great! Unless you are Mark Driscoll in which case it is pagan idol worship, lol) and I stumbled upon the realization that I needed to intentionally make changes in my life. And so I set some goals. I’m not going to go into them but essentially I was going to make myself a completely different person than I was last year. And so I set off for my new adventure, eager to arrive at my destination.

November 8th, 2010. I sit here at my desk, with many things pretty much the same, and yet I am completely different. This year was an interesting year. It was a year of growth, realization, and changes. Please don’t get the wrong idea its not that I didn’t do anything, its simply that I began to shake off the rust that I had amassed on me over the past 4 identical years.

Its harder than I thought to lose weight. Maybe its because I’m older than I thought I was and my metabolism doesn’t work as well as I thought it would. I couldn’t get a different job because I applied at jobs, did interviews and didn’t get jobs. As it turns out I need to get a college degree in order to get better paying jobs. And so it went for many of my goals. I tried and got shot down, tried and didn’t get the results that I desired. But for most of them it just required a few changes, a few things here and there that would ultimately change the course of my life forever. And those changes I was able to make or at least start. So as it turns out this year was preparation for what is to come next year and years later so I am excited to sow what I have reaped this year.

I end this entry with this illustration: earlier this summer my dad bought a bunch of wood and we were going to start building a 10x12 deck in the back yard. We started planning and making inventory of what we would need. As he looked at the list, he realized that there were a few things io needed: cement, a few extra posts, etc. I asked why we needed that and he walked over with his hammer, ripped a board off of the original deck and showed me the foundation, the only reason our old deck was still standing. This year I didn’t build my new life but I definitely set a foundation, so in 2011 the construction begins!

New Friends...

New friends…
This is taken from Donald Millers tips on growing up for those in their twenties.

“1. Lose your friends: If your friends aren’t ambitious, if they don’t have clear plans, you probably won’t either. This doesn’t mean to reject them, but it does mean if your friends want to lay around doing nothing all day, get some new friends. The single greatest influence playing on you is your friends. You will become like the people you hang around.”

So let me first clarify that this is not so much a “mad at my friends so I am talking crap” blog entry, this is actually about me. At some point I wanted to write an entry about “quarter life Crisis” and how my current situation had finally been diagnosed but apparently I was too lazy to do that. Well either way, I think my life is a living testament to that concept!
So for a while now I’ve been plagued with ideas about this concept or “condition” and my honest belief is that God is giving me a nudge in the direction that I am supposed to be heading. I am in the process of doing a few things that will change the direction of my life forever.
I have read a few articles about the masculinity crisis in the US. It seems that in the past the trajectory for a Male’s life has been going from boy to man. Apparently at some point being a “teenager” was accepted as another step in this path and now there is a new step called “extended adolecense.”
I think Mark Driscoll explained it best when he said:

“It’s just extended adolescence, where 20s, 30s, sometimes even in his 40s, he doesn’t really want to get married, doesn’t really want to have kids, doesn’t really want to pursue a career. He has a lot of hobbies, got a lot of buddies, watches a lot of porn, gambles, has a lot of fun, maybe plays in some band or is in a guild of World of Warcraft, or something ridiculous like that. And they’ve even got little [mottos] like, “It’s all good” and, “Bros before hos.” It’s just this whole adolescent, juvenile culture.”

And ladies and gentleman, I have allowed this description to lord over my life for way too long. So I am making changes. But what about the people that I hang out with?
Here is the truth: most of my friends are irresponsible, have REAL dead end jobs, are not going to school, are in no position to get married, even less to have kids, have a lot of hobbies, have no word as men, and play ridiculous amounts of time playing video games. These are the people that are hanging around me. And the truth of the matter is that:” birds of a feather flock together.” But “It’s difficult to soar with eagles when you are scratching with the turkeys”. My mom always used to tell me, “dime con quien andas y te dire quien eres” = “tell me who you hang out with and I will tell you who you are.”
And apparently this is true. I am my friends. And yet I want to be so much more than that! I am in the process of becoming the Man that God wants me to be and right now I feel that these guys are holding me back. I love them and I always will but they are dragging me down and right now I need to soar with eagles. so here's to growing up!

Another update from Da hood!

After neglecting this blog for so long, I’m finally deciding to write you guys a little bit about what is going on in my life. I am getting more involved in church, or at least attempting to do so. I applied for the worship team and had my audition last week. I think it went okay. I’ll let you guys know what happens there.
I also signed up to be on my Churches City Impact Team. I went to my first event on Saturday. It was a community BBQ with games and a hay ride for the community. At first it was slow but by the time I left it was pretty huge. I had fun helping out and getting to know people from the block we adopted. One thing that I did realize was that the people from my church are a bit… spoiled and rich! Lol They were afraid to walk around in a neighborhood that looked better than where I live now, using LA rules to “Be safe.” It was pretty funny, but I understand, if you ain’t from the hood, you afraid of it.
I’m currently filling out paperwork and what not for Epic Bible College. To be honest I’m not sure if I’m gonna be able to do it this semester (FA issues) but even if I don’t make it, I will be in next semester for sure!
I’m starting to crave change. I want things to be different than they have been. I guess half of the battle is just initiating the change. Once you get the ball rolling, you don’t want it to stop. My process has begun people! I encourage you to start and/or continue yours!
That’s pretty much it for now. I’ll let you guys know what happens in the near future. Take care folks, thanks for caring :)

New Chapter

It’s been WAAAY too long since I wrote in this blog, Mostly because I had nothing to say. I felt so defeated by time. I was letting it all slip away and here I was changing nothing. My story was being written and the pages were too boring to read. I was succumbing to the fact that I would not be changing anything in my life this year… and then it happened!
My supervisor was fired, they hired on a new sup instead of promoting one of us, and I was stuck doing outstanding work for a company that treats employees like crap. It was a Friday and I was angry; angry at my boss, angry at my new supervisor and just angry in general. I felt like quitting my job. And then I remembered, this job isn’t my career. I am not called to be here forever. I am called to be a pastor!
So that lead to the first in a series of changes that I will be attempting to make in my life.
1) I will be applying to go to EPIC Bible College
2) I applied to be a member at my church
3) I applied to the worship team at my church
4) I joined the city impact ministry at my church!
These are huge changes that might just change the way my story had been going for a very long time! I’m not gonna lie, I’m nervous, I’ excited, I’m worried, but I’m trusting in God. I’m on my way to a new chapter in life!

Wish me luck!